A week left. sighh.
I'm doomed.
Let's just get this over and done with, shall we?
I dun wish to do anymore AQ after the 11th.
I sucked at that.
Just lemme pass that freaking gp.

indeed, hope is hard to find now.

Whoots!
This journal has been dead for the past 10 weeks. hehe.
It has somehow revived, but I dun know how long it can last.

 

Prelims will be over soon. One more paper this thursday. sigh. I think it's just so dumb to sit for a one hour paper. Cant they arrange it like last week or something.. Dun really wish to talk about it. Maybe, the hardwork isnt enough afterall.

I swear I'll never forget the 18th year of my life.

She's seriously not looking forward to it.
It's just soo.. bleah.
She's never recognised by others.
She kept wondering.
Then, she begins to grow numbed to it.
They no longer matter anything to her.
She wont ask anything from them.
They wont need her to reciprocate any of their 'kind' gestures.
Only then, peace sets in her heart. 

The irony of some things.


Hazlin's victim.


Gan SuJia is really mean-looking.


The machine. lols.



Honey's drawing. loves.






 

Thinking of you.
Thinking of you.
haha.
The song thinking of you is stuck on my head. I dun know how many times I've heard it playing over and over again. The MV was kinda sad. She lost her beloved while he was in a war. Sighh. Sheer misery.

I'm broke now.
Like seriously penniless.
And the mega huge islandwide sales are not helping either.
I wish the hanging leaves are money.
Then, I'd pluck and pluck and pluck and pluck
like there's no tmr.
I wish. I wish. I wish.
Keep wishing. It'll never come true.

I think I'm a little bit slow in revision.
There's still so many topics to cover for both econs and chem.
24 hours is all that is given each day.
Inefficiency breeds unproductive capacity.
Nonsense econs shit!


The sooner it happens, the better.

I miss sayang=(((.
I wish that I was looking into your eyes.
'cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay.

Aiyai.
The strong urge to update this journal,
died out,
within seconds.

I agree,
time heals all wounds.

Disappointment, Unhappiness.
Accommodating, Peace.
Some things go beyond that.
They'll unravel themselves with time.

I have feelings afterall.
LOL.

They claimed,
"Nobody said it was going to be easy".

Oh wells.

Wheee!
The holidays are here:)!

I want to have fun.
Now.
It's kinda weird though.
While others are mugging their asses off.
When will this all come to an end?
sighh.

My love,
there's only you in my life.

Hmmph.
I dun know why the song forever and always and when I'm with you kept playing themselves at the back of my mind. They are nice songs! Go listen to them, if you've not heard them before. But I doubt so, since they've entered the radio like eons ago.

I think I should also just delete this lj like what others did. Not that my life is soo interesting or full of emo shit that they needed a place to jot down all the details in. And those useless times (I was suuuper blind man!) when I typed in the first few entries.. no longer smacked themselves right in my face. Yeaa.. To hell with them who seriously should get a life on their own. Privatising the lj doesnt make a difference either. You might just as well keep a conventional diary for yourself. The amount spent is about the same I think.. okay. Shall consider about it=).

Maybe loneliness is a feeling that everyone fears of. Or rather, they're not mentally strong to face it when it hits them. It's true.. when one is engulfed with loneliness, it will be termed as the "most emo" period of their life, at that particular time frame at least. It's also true that it seriously takes a great deal of time to get over the overwhelming sadness, for some people la. Ultimately, you'd have to stand on your own two feet and face the world again, ie continue living your life to the fullest, if you'd not done so previously. Sooo, what's with objecting your parents remarrying? Perhaps, you might just think that it is easy for me not to know or truly understand how it feels like when any of the one parent were to get married again after the loss the other, plainly 'cause I hadnt experienced it myself. But if a second marriage could grant one a new-found happiness, why not? What's more if their respective children already have their own family. Anyway, it's not like the stepmother or stepfather are like the one similar to in Cinderella. I should just shut up. Zipped.

1 year anniversary was awesome. Thanks to dear's brilliant idea again. And much sincere thanks to Atiqah, Akmal and Ellisa who helped to set up the whole picnic=).
You made me realise my significance in your life, and how much I mean to you. Your effort and love all these while have really tugged me at my heartstrings and I couldnt have asked for more. I'd love you like how I did the past 1 year, and I would continue to do so for as long as it takes. 

Random joke of the week. LOL.
Ashvini: I have the huge ocean to fish from.
Hazlin: I'm very satisfied with the fish that I caught 'cause I caught a clownfish.
Sujia: I caught a whale... 





030509.
loves.

Whoots!
Holiday tomorrow!

Tomorrow will be the 1st of May. How time flies. I feel like we're racing against time. Everything happens so quickly. I dun even remember if there was something that stalled for time. Or maybe my memory is failing. Sigh. I know I need to start now, like waaaayyyyy much sooner. But I'm not doing it. Instead, I would do some shit things. Like now. Then again, I cant wait for the life after As. Quite excited though. Think positive people! sembarang ehh.


When I'm with you,
I'll make every second count
cause I'd miss you
whenever you're not around.

No words can ever describe
how much you mean to me,
how much I treasure this r/s,
and how grateful I am to you.



I love you, and that's all I really know.

whoopss.
Back again.

And now, I'm at a loss for words.
Maybe I've lost my touch to update on my life.
I guess that's the most likely reason.
I'm not implying that this lj will close down anytime soon.
No no.
You'll just have to expect less updates,
at the very most.

Tmr is Good Friday, and as I was joking ard just now, it'd better be good, somehow, in any way possible.
dark humour ehh.

Perhaps not hoping for too much helps.

School is getting kinda tiring with each passing day.

Mental and health breakdown of late.
Sigh.
But fret not,
I'll persist through all the obstacles.
Well, that's what Batok had taught us right?
With their authentic trademark of HOM.
lol.
I'll just put that into good use.
hear my sarcasm?

Indeed, the world is never fair.

"You stood by me, and I stood tall.
I had your love, I had it all".

AIDA!!
I'm back to update my dead lj.
hehehhee.
Have been very busy lately.

Thankfully, it's the term break now. Phew. At least, I can catch up with my sleep. Heheee. Let's not mention anything about schoolwork. There's a whole pile of them rotting on the table, only awaiting for my precious touch and attention. lol. I'll start doing them just later.

There's nothing to update much frankly. Hmm.. I know I lead a sad life. I mean, it's not like there was anything exciting that happened over the last 4 weeks. And I'm beginning to get sick and tired of everything. Sigh. If only I have the power like those superheroes in Fantastic Four to put everything to an end. If only "if only-ies" exist in this world. Sounds emo? you bet.

Save me somebody!


Hopefully, the grass is greener on the other side.
But when will that be?
Search me.


I didnt know she was this gorgeous.


Filled with overwhelming joy
each time I lay my eyes on you.

Surreal Happiness.

Tired! Exhausted!

I forgot all about my worries
and tired-ness when
I'm with you.

The jokes and laughter we shared,
never fail to bring me closer to you,
to love you more than previously,
and care for you endlessly.

It was a blissful feeling.
Thanks sweetie.


Because of you,
I'll never stray too far
from the sidewalk.

Shitfuck.
Everything's in mess.
Confusions, uneasiness.
Crap.

Maybe today is just not MY day.
SIGH.

Had been thinking alot about it for the last few days. Yeahh, I cant seem to get that bloody thing out of my mind. Kinda wasting my precious time dwelling on it(not that I would channel that bit of attention to something useful). And I cant get my beauty sleep because of it. Glad that I told you. Else, I'm going to explode any minute now.

Having to feel that our feelings and welfare being disregarded just sucks to the core. And the nonchalant treatment they gave in return doesnt help at all. UGHH. I mean.. if you wanna start this in the place, then manage it well. Ohhh. Just who am I to have any say in this right?? I dun know if I'm being mean, I dun think I am. Then again, looking at the situation, this whole thing is really not worthy of my time. I'll just take things in my stride. Only God knows the disappointment, frustration, uncertainty that are hidden in the depths of my heart. Oh wells.

Glad that Dear liked the delivered balloon just now =).
I guess, this was the only thing that made me smile minutes ago.
I know my life is kinda pathetic now.
if you ever wanna know how I am doing.

Maybe I'm just mentally exhausted.
With so many jargons on my mind,
meaningless but
never fail to bog me down.

I feel like running away,
from everything.
Searching for my serenity.

Do I have the means to?

Whoots.
It's been such a looong time since I wrote any updates.
BUSYBUSYBUSY!
What with all the school stuffs that tire me out each day.

Anyways, everything seems to be moving at a very fast pace. Yeahh, the difference felt is kinda.. stark. But somehow, I feel more energized even though after a whole day of school. At least I can hold out for another hour or two to finish up some shit maths or econs. For that, I can say I'm very proud of myself. lol. On the other hand, I sucked at some other things. Oh wells.

And yes, I felt a sudden compulsion to update about the documentary Miss Huang showed us during GP the other day. It was titled- The Promise and The Price, and it was all about the advancement in Science and Technology. How the scientists worked their ways on Genetics testing to find a remedy or at least, prevention for hereditary illness such as breast cancer. It was kinda interesting to know all about the stuff that was told. There are some who agreed and others who felt otherwise. Well, everyone is entitled to each of their own opinion. If she were to ask me to write an essay about it, my arguments for Genetics testing will outweigh the against. I mean.. it is good that at least we put an effort to curb whatever disease that may be infected than just sit back and do nothing about it. That aside, I find it ridiculously absurd when I saw the advancements in science to the extent of creating a "Designer Baby" for the sake of vanity. Damn. This is when the issue of "Playing God" fits nicely here. It hasnt happen yet, and I hope it'll be a total failure. I think it'll be damn sick to have discovered that your parents actually planned and decided on your features and characteristics. Just my two-cents worth.


Get well soon Sujy!

Save me.
I've been feeling so alone.
So true.

I was just thinking of how fast time flies.
Yarh, from the time I stepped into a junior college.
Till now.
I mean,
I dun expect things to pass by so fast.
First, we started off discussing and planning,
and the next moment,
everything is over, accomplished.
Then, we divert our attention to the others,
rearranging the priorities again.
And this cycle repeats over and over again.
okay, super random.


The world is so much better,
whenever you're with me.

Happy Birthday sweetie.

It's going to be a looong weekend. Woohoo!

CNY celebration was kind of fun. Was monkeying and munching away throughout the whole performance. Gladly, S29 clinched the second place for the class decoration competition. Rm 114 was superb-ly done by us. Go see k fellow JJC-ians. lol. And and, my utmost appreciation and gratitude reaching out to Miss Xu, for the cutesy red packet. It was really very sweeeet of you to prepare the messages for all 23 of us. HUGGS!

But it was not all perfect as we had envisioned it to be. Sigh. And I actually trembled while presenting him the slice of cake and singing the song. Goodness. The candle had to die on me. Sorry sayang. I dun know why, but guilt crept up in me. I still feel bad, even till now. Anyways, thanks Aida and Shafiq for waiting and everything.

Aiyai. Have been feeling rather down and out the past few days. Wondering why... If only if only... Nvm. I shant say it out here.
yea, I think the world is filled with "If-onlys"



'Cause I love you,
whether it's wrong or right,
and though i cant be with you tonight,
you know my heart is by your side.

SIGHHH.

First week of school is over. More awaiting. Hell.


Huge demands.
Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Things will get better.
I hope.
Please.


Dun ever destroy the beautiful
picture I always have of you.
I'm trying not to either.


I love you.
And that's all I really know.

Blanked.

Practically slacked my assss off today, simply 'cause I dun feel like doing anything. I'll work again tmr. Yeah, that's one issue. How productive will it turn out? That's another.
Oh wells.

It dawned on me. Yesh, again. I cant recall how many donkey times it had struck me repeatedly. A's this year. It's going to be a lot tougher than the O's, that's for sure. How much tougher? Beats me. Oh man! And what if I cant make it? Scariest shitt on Earth I tell you. Time really flies. Next thing I know, I dun know where. Somewhere good I hope.


It's amazing how you can
speak right through my heart.
Without saying a word,
you can light up the dark.

All day long I can hear,
people talking out loud.
But when you hold me near,
you drown out the crowd.

Try as they may,
they can never define.
What's been said between
your heart and mine.


Every moment spent with you,
is like a beautiful dream come true.
Loves.

Such dreams.

I woke up just now only to find myself tearing. I was crying from a dream. I can vaguely recall what it was about now. But yes, it had been a long time since I last experienced that. Weird dreams. Kind of cool I think..

I really dread if I was asked to make decisions. I will seriously take a loooong time to fix my perception on one and even to say it out, it's like instructing me to jump down the building. Not to exaggerate la.. but I guess it's something along that line. I'm talking about those huge decision-making here, involving the welfare of a certain number of people, the time frame is quite long and serving some purpose in the long run, not the tiny small matter. I dun know why. I mean, I wanted the best of both worlds. But I know, sometimes we have to sacrifice one in order to gain the other. And when I think of how people will feel or react towards it, I will reconsider it again and again and again. Then, a neutral answer given which doesnt help at all! Sigh. Ahhh!! I want my mummyyyyy....!!! 

I liked this video. Though I thought the vocalist was a bit sengau. Erm.. like he's having blocked nose, hence such voice. lol.
I think this is the acoustic version. Check out the part when the tambourine came in. It's very nicee. But he's a bit selenge. hehehhe.



 

Ear-piercing words.

Sigh.
I hate it when he uttered such things to her.
They kept me wondering,
"how could those words come off so easily"?

Well,
I knew she wanted the best of both worlds.
I knew she had her fair share of faults.
But didnt he know that
his words were so hurtful.. harsh?

Damn.
They disgusted me, really.
The tension they created was...
"magnificent" I should say.

It had to happen again.
Hell.


__________________________________________________________________________


So.. Umpiring ytd. Was told to come back for another trial. And that would be like.. someday when the school has reopened. I'd be so busy to even attend it. What with all the never-ending tests and piling tutorials to complete. I'll be too lazy too. It's not that I'm going to pursue it anyway. Just for the fun and laughter of it. Extra income as well. I'll see how it goes. Dumbass.

On the brighter side, watched twilight with Dear ytd. It was niceeee, except for some gruelling moments. hehhehe. I really cannot stand how red Edward's lips and how white his face were. I certainly understand that those were part of the make-up and stuff. To ensure that his character as a vampire stands out as significant as possible. But unfortunately, the way he looked at people, or rather, glared at people plus his ugly lips and pale face seriously destroyed his features, which I think is wayyy better without them all.
The Marina Barrage was perfectly built as well. I guess the scenery will be more captivating than what it currently has, after the construction surrounding it is completed. Happy 8th baby! =)

Opps. Another outing.. yesh yesh second love.. Thought of it already. Cycling at East coast park. Time still tentative. 10 Jan. We can celebrate Aida's birthday too. An advance one. I book y'all first k?? Get back to me people!!

AHHHHHH!!!

I wanna go out with all of you! Sigh. After looking at the pictures taken during the outing to the Botanic Garden, I realised I miss them loads. Especially you, Aisyah. And yes, I want to visit the new batok building too!! Why you all never say want to go back? I want to look look around also sehhh. The interior really look like some HDB estate, that I have to agree. lol.

Had some heart-to-heart talk wif Dad just now. Hah! Finally he said his deep-down-true emotions. Hmmm... I guess I'd just have to be careful. He has already given the green-light and I would have to stick to the conditions laid, with or without him telling me to.

WWWWWHHOOAAA Aida. Not bad not bad. There's always a first step to everything. lol.

Oh yarh! Fazee reminded me that actually today, a year ago, we just had our outing with the fellow 2e2 people. Yeah, isn't that a hundred and one times better than what we had this year? Oh well. scrap that. I even rmbed Aisyah lost her wallet and we had to search the place where we sat and camwhored at Vivo. Good old days.


Dan izinkan aku memeluk
dirimu kali ini saja.



She's my favourite.

Hmmph.

Trip to Escape with dear was very fun. Thanks for the lovely day baby. =)

I dont get to meet my fellow GIRLBAND again. sigh.

Weird feelings I have of late. Yeah, at one point of time, high spirits filled me, and soon after, they take a plunge of themselves  like nobody's business. Scary thoughts provoked me minutes later. Leaving me staring into nothingness.

A year is coming to an end, and another one is soon welcoming us with open arms. Frankly, I will not look forward to the new year everytime and perhaps, because of that, I dont understand why people are celebrating their hearts out to welcome the new year, what with all the countdown stuff and beautiful lightings overhead. The new approaching year is just like any other year, to me at least. I dont know. I dun get the joyous feeling which I thought I have seen in at least one in four people around? Or am I just weird? But certainly, I really hope that every coming year will be more fruitful than the previous ones. More enriching, more happiness, more fulfilled dreams and wishes, less unfortunate events and problems. I think that's what everybody hopes for right? other than their specific resolutions made themselves.
2009, here I come. Yeah right.