Damn you.
It baffles me really.
I dont see a need to update the passbook everytime.
Sighh.
You're asking me why the machine always spoil?
Dumbasses.
Go ask your fellow assholes who always update la.
And please dont take it out on me.
I'm just as tired as you are.
Just cause I'm on the frontline,
doesnt mean you can vent your anger on me.
Bunch of Idiots.

My heart literally sank when I heard that.
Seriously.
it feels like all my hopes and dreams were shattered.
Not that I was hurt in any way.
Sigh.
The thought of losing you really scares me.
It definitely aches me.
I wouldnt dare imagine that.
I keep you in my prayers,
hoping none will go wrong.
'Cause you know what,
you mean the world to me.






songs of the sea =).
It was great.

This heart feels heavy.
Cant blame everything on nature's call.
Sigh.
I thought we could have
all the time in the world for ourselves now.
Yet, it doesnt seemed to be as such.
Sigh.
So many things, so little time.
It all boils down to that, again.
Sigh.
It's certainly gonna be a dread.
I'm very sure it will be.
Sigh.

Time will rule out some things.
Time will tell everything.
Patience is all that we need.
Trying to be selfless is the
hardest thing to do when u need to.
Oh wells.

It's hard.
Nothing is easy.

okay.
life sucks.
Holiday was not like a holiday.
I got most of the enjoyment from slacking and eating at the hotel.
'Cause the hotel's really superb!
Other than that, Batam was so-so to me.
Know why, 'cause we didnt shop much.
No, didnt shop at all.
But no worries, I'll sure to go there again,
with tonnes of my own money this time.
Going around the malls with the parents
really did have a lot of restrictions.
So ya, pictures up soon. =).

Sigh. Been thinking a lot. And it was bad...
I dun want to feel such way, but I cant help it.
I'm sorry to let it affect me.
Making me harbour ill thoughts of the future.
I feel like a loser at times.
Please help me God.
I need to restore some faith in myself.
Thanks for making me feel like a loser.
Thanks for making me suffer this ordeal.
Thanks for drowning me.
Thanks for the wonderful ruins you'd brought upon me.
Thanks for the scar.

Actually, I cant wait to start work next week.
hehhe. I need some money badly.
To buy some new clothes- my wardrobe's pathetic.
Hopefully they'll assign me some other task.
It'll be dead boring to just stand there like a statue.
Anyways, Singapore literacy rate is quite high wat...
they cant be so noob to not know how to use some atm machine.
Am I not right.

Watched Singapore Idol ytd.
I supported Sylvia but she didnt win =(.
Not that Sezairi cant sing la.
But just that Sylvia's been consistently good
that attracted me to really root for her.
Really, Sezairi took me aback ytd 'cause he sang
wayyy better than those times he did for the spectaculars.
Sigh.
I'd really wanted Sylvia to win.
I still love her even though she didnt =).




















The swimming pool was fun =).

Oh man. I'm sooo bored.
I need a job.
But a lot of things are getting in the way.
Sighh.

The outing the other day was fine la. hehee.
Except that the ants there were all so big!
But the company was great =).

Intended to go to Henderson Wave
but somehow we got lost in our way.
We ended up panting heavily.
I think it's because of the past 6 months or more
of not exercising.
Which is very bad....
We shall go again soooon,
geared with proper attire.











LOL. Sayang's mouth senget.

I miss you dearly.

I'm really very depressed now.
More of being hurt than angered.
Yeah, Sayang knows me well.
Ughh.
Just what's his fucking problem?
Where's his sensitivity?
Dun tell me, "oh I forgot totally about it."
I dun care who you are, seriously.
But I can shout to the whole world that
you're nothing to me.
Just a piece of crap.
Obviously, you haven't had much
experience in the love, hence,
your stupidity to even dare say it out.
Oh, I wish karma gets back to you
so that you'll have none of such experience.
Anyway, who wants such an insensitive cad.
It's just wayy too bad for you to have
stepped into my pms mood,
alongside with the shit that you gave me.
And, I'm seriously not sorry over
what I've just said/wrote.
To me, you're now the biggest DUMBASS

Surprisingly I dun feel sleepy at this point of time.
I didnt know applying for jobs online and submitting in resumes can be somewhat addictive.
hehhee.
I'm going all out for the money money money!

Prom was 2 days ago, on the 7th. Had to leave earlier 'cause Dad fetched me. Anyway, the whole event was kinda boring la. sigh. The only fun part was the taking of pictures of friends. Didnt take much either. Sayang was so sweet when he presented me a flower the moment I reached downstairs. HUGS! Pictures up soon!

Yesterday was fun fun fun!
Went around and around Far East wif Aida. hehhe. She's so funnny. Oh, and her newfound favourite word is funny.
Oh God. I seriously need more money. Money money money.
If only Cik Yah gives me the 110 bucks today. But heck, nobody would pay the tutor on the first day of her child's tuition right.
Den again, I'm her niece wat..
oh well.

It's already the 2nd of december. How time flies. Really fast. 2009's coming to an end. I shall not rate how this year has been.
Cause' I seriously have no idea to string those words describing my feelings and thoughts into sentences. I'd just say, "it's been like a rollercoaster ride", "bittersweet". But obviously, I wouldnt forget the times when Mama was admitted to the hospital during fasting month. Damn, the feeling's very sucky. And of course, not forgetting how I'd braved through the scary As. Maybe, this year is more significant than the previous years. 2010's coming. Oh. Dun ever ask me what's my new year resolution now or on the last week of december k. Cause' I wont achieve anything out of it despite saying it. So it'll be somewhat redundant to even think of one. And I always come up wif weird kinds of goals. hehe. So shall not share them here la.

I couldnt help but to tear when you sang the song to me. You can say that my heart literally melted. And boy, you're a great singer.
I just want to tell you that you've restored my faith in you. Not that I dun have any in you in the first place. But I have more now. I somehow feel more assured. I appreciate your understanding thusfar, and I hope you'll continue being one. I feel guilty of over-generalising, but now I have a strong feeling that you're not like the others. Hopefully, my feeling is right till the end.
Those words you said...
I know they're not from your sweet-nothings. I can see that they really come from the bottom of your heart and I want to thank you for that.
Thanks sayang.

I lose my way, but still,
you seem to understand.
I'm holding a fortune,
that heaven has given to me.

I'll try to show you each and every way I can,
now and forever,
you will be my man. :))

Ahha!
I'm done with my JC life.
2 years.
But it seems so short.
Oh well.
Maybe I was always racing against time la.
Anyways, it's over.
For good.

All I can do now is just pray pray and pray for the good results. It's been bittersweet la. The whole 10 days of exam. Econs was really shitty.
And it doesnt help that I'd passed econs only a couple of times. Just hoping for the best.

Damn, I want to buy many many things but I've got no money! Maybe I'll just pop by the GO at JPS and ask for any job vacancy. The shoes at Far East are all very nicee. And the Forever 21 tops! There are so many sales going on everywhere. I'm going crazy myself too.
Prom's next monday. I'm gonna go all simple wimple. Quite excited though. Sayang was so funny when he knelt down and asked me to be his date. It's sweet la. hugs!

Being with you is my priority now :)).
I'll compensate you all the time that we've missed.




loves.

A week left. sighh.
I'm doomed.
Let's just get this over and done with, shall we?
I dun wish to do anymore AQ after the 11th.
I sucked at that.
Just lemme pass that freaking gp.

indeed, hope is hard to find now.

Whoots!
This journal has been dead for the past 10 weeks. hehe.
It has somehow revived, but I dun know how long it can last.

 

Prelims will be over soon. One more paper this thursday. sigh. I think it's just so dumb to sit for a one hour paper. Cant they arrange it like last week or something.. Dun really wish to talk about it. Maybe, the hardwork isnt enough afterall.

I swear I'll never forget the 18th year of my life.

She's seriously not looking forward to it.
It's just soo.. bleah.
She's never recognised by others.
She kept wondering.
Then, she begins to grow numbed to it.
They no longer matter anything to her.
She wont ask anything from them.
They wont need her to reciprocate any of their 'kind' gestures.
Only then, peace sets in her heart. 

The irony of some things.


Hazlin's victim.


Gan SuJia is really mean-looking.


The machine. lols.



Honey's drawing. loves.






 

Thinking of you.
Thinking of you.
haha.
The song thinking of you is stuck on my head. I dun know how many times I've heard it playing over and over again. The MV was kinda sad. She lost her beloved while he was in a war. Sighh. Sheer misery.

I'm broke now.
Like seriously penniless.
And the mega huge islandwide sales are not helping either.
I wish the hanging leaves are money.
Then, I'd pluck and pluck and pluck and pluck
like there's no tmr.
I wish. I wish. I wish.
Keep wishing. It'll never come true.

I think I'm a little bit slow in revision.
There's still so many topics to cover for both econs and chem.
24 hours is all that is given each day.
Inefficiency breeds unproductive capacity.
Nonsense econs shit!


The sooner it happens, the better.

I miss sayang=(((.
I wish that I was looking into your eyes.
'cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay.

Aiyai.
The strong urge to update this journal,
died out,
within seconds.

I agree,
time heals all wounds.

Disappointment, Unhappiness.
Accommodating, Peace.
Some things go beyond that.
They'll unravel themselves with time.

I have feelings afterall.
LOL.

They claimed,
"Nobody said it was going to be easy".

Oh wells.

Wheee!
The holidays are here:)!

I want to have fun.
Now.
It's kinda weird though.
While others are mugging their asses off.
When will this all come to an end?
sighh.

My love,
there's only you in my life.

Hmmph.
I dun know why the song forever and always and when I'm with you kept playing themselves at the back of my mind. They are nice songs! Go listen to them, if you've not heard them before. But I doubt so, since they've entered the radio like eons ago.

I think I should also just delete this lj like what others did. Not that my life is soo interesting or full of emo shit that they needed a place to jot down all the details in. And those useless times (I was suuuper blind man!) when I typed in the first few entries.. no longer smacked themselves right in my face. Yeaa.. To hell with them who seriously should get a life on their own. Privatising the lj doesnt make a difference either. You might just as well keep a conventional diary for yourself. The amount spent is about the same I think.. okay. Shall consider about it=).

Maybe loneliness is a feeling that everyone fears of. Or rather, they're not mentally strong to face it when it hits them. It's true.. when one is engulfed with loneliness, it will be termed as the "most emo" period of their life, at that particular time frame at least. It's also true that it seriously takes a great deal of time to get over the overwhelming sadness, for some people la. Ultimately, you'd have to stand on your own two feet and face the world again, ie continue living your life to the fullest, if you'd not done so previously. Sooo, what's with objecting your parents remarrying? Perhaps, you might just think that it is easy for me not to know or truly understand how it feels like when any of the one parent were to get married again after the loss the other, plainly 'cause I hadnt experienced it myself. But if a second marriage could grant one a new-found happiness, why not? What's more if their respective children already have their own family. Anyway, it's not like the stepmother or stepfather are like the one similar to in Cinderella. I should just shut up. Zipped.

1 year anniversary was awesome. Thanks to dear's brilliant idea again. And much sincere thanks to Atiqah, Akmal and Ellisa who helped to set up the whole picnic=).
You made me realise my significance in your life, and how much I mean to you. Your effort and love all these while have really tugged me at my heartstrings and I couldnt have asked for more. I'd love you like how I did the past 1 year, and I would continue to do so for as long as it takes. 

Random joke of the week. LOL.
Ashvini: I have the huge ocean to fish from.
Hazlin: I'm very satisfied with the fish that I caught 'cause I caught a clownfish.
Sujia: I caught a whale... 





030509.
loves.

Whoots!
Holiday tomorrow!

Tomorrow will be the 1st of May. How time flies. I feel like we're racing against time. Everything happens so quickly. I dun even remember if there was something that stalled for time. Or maybe my memory is failing. Sigh. I know I need to start now, like waaaayyyyy much sooner. But I'm not doing it. Instead, I would do some shit things. Like now. Then again, I cant wait for the life after As. Quite excited though. Think positive people! sembarang ehh.


When I'm with you,
I'll make every second count
cause I'd miss you
whenever you're not around.

No words can ever describe
how much you mean to me,
how much I treasure this r/s,
and how grateful I am to you.



I love you, and that's all I really know.

whoopss.
Back again.

And now, I'm at a loss for words.
Maybe I've lost my touch to update on my life.
I guess that's the most likely reason.
I'm not implying that this lj will close down anytime soon.
No no.
You'll just have to expect less updates,
at the very most.

Tmr is Good Friday, and as I was joking ard just now, it'd better be good, somehow, in any way possible.
dark humour ehh.

Perhaps not hoping for too much helps.

School is getting kinda tiring with each passing day.

Mental and health breakdown of late.
Sigh.
But fret not,
I'll persist through all the obstacles.
Well, that's what Batok had taught us right?
With their authentic trademark of HOM.
lol.
I'll just put that into good use.
hear my sarcasm?

Indeed, the world is never fair.

"You stood by me, and I stood tall.
I had your love, I had it all".

AIDA!!
I'm back to update my dead lj.
hehehhee.
Have been very busy lately.

Thankfully, it's the term break now. Phew. At least, I can catch up with my sleep. Heheee. Let's not mention anything about schoolwork. There's a whole pile of them rotting on the table, only awaiting for my precious touch and attention. lol. I'll start doing them just later.

There's nothing to update much frankly. Hmm.. I know I lead a sad life. I mean, it's not like there was anything exciting that happened over the last 4 weeks. And I'm beginning to get sick and tired of everything. Sigh. If only I have the power like those superheroes in Fantastic Four to put everything to an end. If only "if only-ies" exist in this world. Sounds emo? you bet.

Save me somebody!


Hopefully, the grass is greener on the other side.
But when will that be?
Search me.


I didnt know she was this gorgeous.


Filled with overwhelming joy
each time I lay my eyes on you.

Surreal Happiness.

Tired! Exhausted!

I forgot all about my worries
and tired-ness when
I'm with you.

The jokes and laughter we shared,
never fail to bring me closer to you,
to love you more than previously,
and care for you endlessly.

It was a blissful feeling.
Thanks sweetie.


Because of you,
I'll never stray too far
from the sidewalk.

Shitfuck.
Everything's in mess.
Confusions, uneasiness.
Crap.

Maybe today is just not MY day.
SIGH.

Had been thinking alot about it for the last few days. Yeahh, I cant seem to get that bloody thing out of my mind. Kinda wasting my precious time dwelling on it(not that I would channel that bit of attention to something useful). And I cant get my beauty sleep because of it. Glad that I told you. Else, I'm going to explode any minute now.

Having to feel that our feelings and welfare being disregarded just sucks to the core. And the nonchalant treatment they gave in return doesnt help at all. UGHH. I mean.. if you wanna start this in the place, then manage it well. Ohhh. Just who am I to have any say in this right?? I dun know if I'm being mean, I dun think I am. Then again, looking at the situation, this whole thing is really not worthy of my time. I'll just take things in my stride. Only God knows the disappointment, frustration, uncertainty that are hidden in the depths of my heart. Oh wells.

Glad that Dear liked the delivered balloon just now =).
I guess, this was the only thing that made me smile minutes ago.
I know my life is kinda pathetic now.
if you ever wanna know how I am doing.

Maybe I'm just mentally exhausted.
With so many jargons on my mind,
meaningless but
never fail to bog me down.

I feel like running away,
from everything.
Searching for my serenity.

Do I have the means to?

Whoots.
It's been such a looong time since I wrote any updates.
BUSYBUSYBUSY!
What with all the school stuffs that tire me out each day.

Anyways, everything seems to be moving at a very fast pace. Yeahh, the difference felt is kinda.. stark. But somehow, I feel more energized even though after a whole day of school. At least I can hold out for another hour or two to finish up some shit maths or econs. For that, I can say I'm very proud of myself. lol. On the other hand, I sucked at some other things. Oh wells.

And yes, I felt a sudden compulsion to update about the documentary Miss Huang showed us during GP the other day. It was titled- The Promise and The Price, and it was all about the advancement in Science and Technology. How the scientists worked their ways on Genetics testing to find a remedy or at least, prevention for hereditary illness such as breast cancer. It was kinda interesting to know all about the stuff that was told. There are some who agreed and others who felt otherwise. Well, everyone is entitled to each of their own opinion. If she were to ask me to write an essay about it, my arguments for Genetics testing will outweigh the against. I mean.. it is good that at least we put an effort to curb whatever disease that may be infected than just sit back and do nothing about it. That aside, I find it ridiculously absurd when I saw the advancements in science to the extent of creating a "Designer Baby" for the sake of vanity. Damn. This is when the issue of "Playing God" fits nicely here. It hasnt happen yet, and I hope it'll be a total failure. I think it'll be damn sick to have discovered that your parents actually planned and decided on your features and characteristics. Just my two-cents worth.


Get well soon Sujy!

Save me.
I've been feeling so alone.
So true.