My life

Merry Xmas to everyone!!

So, we just have 6 days more to another year.
2011 passes really fast,
I could barely recall having done anything
significant this year.
I guess it's true that time waits for no one.
Another new year, another new resolution.
But I think my resolution is the same every single year.
Maybe I should just stick to that forever.
Sounds pretty good??

Received my results for this sem about 3 days ago.
Surprisingly, it was better than what I had expected,
though my cgpa is the same.
My gpa freaking increased! from 3.35 to 3.55!
I still feel that being in the 3.5-3.6 range is quite dangerous
because I can just fall to the range less than 3.5.
Hmmm, shall work harder this coming sem then.

Maybe this is how he felt,
back then.

Faizal is away in KL for holiday with his family.
That's the main reason why I've been stuck at home
like a good girl these few days.
That boy can still make me long for him at times like this.

More effort is needed in here.
I can just sink in misery otherwise.

I'm having that sudden urge to have a short getaway.
With Aida or anyone else. Or just me, myself and I.
Sometimes I wonder, why cant I go overseas with my friends.
Overseas here I mean like KL or Batam or just somewhere near.
I'm fully aware of my parents' worries for me should I insist on going.
But I just cant help it and to feel like I've been treated unfairly.
I'm turning 21 in 3 months time man.
Sighhh.
And I dont want to create a big mess again and involve in a fight
with the parents.
I'll just have to wait for the right time I guess.
(which I think, it will be when I get married)
After graduation, Imma go on a grad trip,
even if it's just to Batam or Bintan or JB!

Please dont make me lose faith in this.
I beg of you.
Give me your helping hand and
restore my confidence in this whole shit.
To me, almost all of the things show me a bleak outlook.
Do not worsen the situation.
When that happens,
all my hopes in it would have been lost.

Wow!
Look at how time flies.
This lj was left to rot for several months. And now,
I thought of reviving it again(though I think this effort
will only last only till my holidays end).

Reading back the entries of this journal,
I realised that my life has, by far, revolved around Faizal
and schoolwork.
Hmm.. the part about Faizal, I won't complain,
'cause I'm still madly in love with him.
So there's no reason why i should even utter a word
of complaint about him right.
Schoolwork is just getting tougher and tougher.
They never fail to take a toll on my health and body,
particularly my face, resulting in an outburst of pimples.
Ugh.
Whatever about school.
Just cant wait to get that stupid honours and earn my own money.

I joined SPMS YEP this sem.
We are going to involve in several CIP projects to raise funds
and build a library in one of the village's school for the children.
I want to do something meaningful in my life
for once through this experience.

And so, long gone were the days when I used to cry
over stupid ns and book-ins and those confinement period
because my baby has ORD-ed!!
Frankly speaking, those 1yr10mths seemed kinda fast now.
But I cant deny those moments that I really needed him the most
during his absence. They were one of the darkest period in my life,
no doubt.
On the brighter side, thanks to that,
I've grown into someone I never thought I will be.
Those kind-of-a-stronger person, I feel.
Back then, imagining where I am now, seemed almost impossible.
And look how great I am doing now.

I stood my feet firmly to the ground.
Refused to get swayed easily.
'Cause I have built a strong faith in you that,
at the end of the day,
you will come for me.

woohoooo!!
It's been eons since this journal was last updated!
Had been busy ever since sem 2 started.
And now, guess what?
School's out.
One year down, 3 more to go!
Jiayousssss!!

It is boredom that triggered me to enter a post,
out of a sudden.
Nothing much to update on.
I mean, too many things happened so far.
Not that I couldn't recall any of them,
I'm just plain lazy to type them out.
You can call me anything you want,
feel free.
At the end of the day,
you shall shoulder everything you said.

Oh! I fainted at the flee market the other day at Pit building.
hehhe. It was a shocking experience.
I seriously think the room was infested with too many pple,
which made the air inside it not ventilated properly.
And that was my virgin visit to a flee.
Bad experience eh.
Maybe I have some tumour growing in my head or something.
Touch wood!

Celebrated our 3rd anniversary in the midst of exam preparation.
hehehee.
It was a great celebration nonetheless.
Faizal,being a sweetie as usual,
had gotten 3 surprises for me. So sweet right.
He bought me a bouquet of roses,
I'm in love wif whatever flower he gives me.
A jigsaw puzzle and a necklace.
They were all carefully chosen and so so pretty.
Thanks honey bunnyyy.
What I gave him: an Everlast watch and a video.
I did that video while studying for exams,
when i got bored of the notes and all.
BUt yes, I'm pretty proud of myself for producing one.
It was nice okay!
Can judge by the number of likes in fb for the video.
Then again, they seemed inferior to what Faizal did for me.
He's the best, I tell you.
And no, I'm not sharing him with anyone.

I'll stand by you,
even if your world
starts to crumble before you.

Oh my. The previous entry before this was written before I started this sem. And look at what week we're in. It's already 1 week after recess. How time flies. And this only goes to show that I'm too busy or lazy, u choose, to update this journal of mine. Lol.

Sooo, this sem seems better than the previous. Maybe cause I've gotten the hang of school and I've seen the importance of conscientiously completing the tutorials. Hmm.. Other than that, nothing great ever happened la, in terms of school matters.

I feel like I'm always rushing. With everything. Like I rush to school every single day for as long as I rmb, I rush to go home which I have no particular reason as to why I'm doing so also. I rush out my work. Tutorials, revision etc. Everything is just fast-paced. I'd really love to slow them down. Im in need of a serious breather.

It's going to be 3 years that we've been together. Alhamdulillah. I wanna thank you for all the awesome times we'd been through. (and u know i can never thank you enough love). We stumbled a couple of times this year. But even so, that didnt change my feelings for you a single bit. I still love u as much and I will continue doing so, insyaAllah. I'll always pray that you'll eventually be my soulmate arranged by Him.

( Read more... )

I'm all tanned now.
No kidding.
Even my sisters and parents commented about it.
That I'm 3 shades darker.
But it's okay.
I'm gonna be all vain these few months
and not go out in the sun for some time.
I miss being all white again!!

I couldnt fathom how they can still be all loving
even after they're married.
Well, that is just how every couple is supposed to be.
They should continue expressing their love
to their partners in any way possible even more when they're married.
Not just during the courtship period.
I wanna make what was shown on the telly come true.
If you see it in another way,
this is a form of lifeskill also right??
hehhehehe.

So, my holidays have officially ended.
hmm.. I'm gonna buck up this new sem.
Let me taste the joy of having some or if not,
just one A for finals pleaseeeee.
Maybe, I should make a formal declaration
that the grade B is my best friend since i-dont-know-when.
Since A levels maybe.
No daydreaming, no procrastinating,
no going out frequently, and just more mugging.
Think I can make that all happen?

Conflicts within self.
I dont wanna grow used to this.
Really.
I'm trying my best not to.

This online journal has been dead for so long.
And so,
here comes the long awaited 2011.
I shall reiterate again;
every new year is just like any other passing year.
For, I do not believe that the new year ahead will
guarantee that we'll be much happier,
that all or most of our expectations will be met,
that we'll be having more achievements,
blah blah blah,
basically all the good things in the world
that we have always hope for.
Because know why,
there will be ups and downs along the way
which might hinder us from attaining
all those abovementioned.
Simply saying,
one has to be realistic.

My holidays is finally here.
It's been 2 weeks already.
Have been occupying my time with
interschool netball.
Really hope SPMS can proceed to the next round!
We're actually not bad pple!!
Just have to work on our passes, and footwork
and all will be fine,
considering that most of us have zilch experience.

I feel like I'm battling with my feeling within.
Maybe I've always practise this habit of
bottling things up though they can be quite disturbing.
Too disturbing at a point where I'm unable
to contain them any further.
I dun wanna say,
" dun blame me for wat had happened between us"
cause it'll just reflect on my nonchalence
towards my fault, to me being stubborn.
Sighhh.
All I can do is just to pray for a better person is her,
and in me as well cause I know,
that I'm not all that great either.

I observed for a few days while being here,
and I picked up several things along the way.
There may bound to be some friction between a couple,
no doubt.
Even so, during the darkest time of his life,
though there are not much things to chat about,
being physically there for him makes a great deal.
Only then, will he know that there is someone
who is standing by him should he need some emotional support.
Cause, U'll never know when u can
ever do such a thing for him again in the future.
To him, it may be a huge favour done though you might see it
as something insignificant.

I'm gonna do just that to you honey.
With God's willing.
I'll be good to you.

Silence is golden.
True enough.

I loathe the current situation.
Yes, to the core.
There is no need to
put on a fake front to please others.
Or me, for that matter.
Cause' I hate pple who mask a thousand faces.
But rest assured,
I wont voice out a thing.
Cause' I wanna know how long you can last.
I'm counting from this second on.
Just like in Programming language:

int main()
{
int x;
int counter;
for(int i=0; i<=100; i++)
{
counter++;
}
cout << "how long she can last :" << " " << counter << endl;

I'm sure all of the above would have had
a million and one errors if it is being run and compiled.
Sighhh.
Just let me get a freaking B or C for this module.

I thought we're never going 
to go through that shit again.
Once is enough.
And it's back to haunt us for the second time.
Give it a couple of times more,
judging from the time before he attains liberation.
Oh wells.

Okay,
I shall not succumbed to this fickle mind
and decide to have a change of course.
I shall weigh the pros and cons of it in more detailed.
Cause' it will be one of the most major decision in my life.

Harsh reality.
I'm grappling with it.
Still.







 

2010 is coming to an end.
In retrospect,
I figured I didnt accomplish much this year.
Anything for that matter..
Other than that,
I was just doing nothing 
for more than 3/4 of this year.
Sometimes,
I wished I am back doing nothing.
Though it bored me to the bones.
LOL.
On the brighter side,
there are so many christmas sales everywhere!
But poor me is back to having zilch income.
Maybe I shud take up one more tuition again.
I miss having the extra money to pamper myself,
or to satisfy my huge appetite for junks
at the weirdest moment of time!

Sighhh.
I'm fighting hard in this battle.
I know that you're having it just as bad,
but time is not like how it used to be.
I sincerely appreciate all your understanding thus far.
And I swear,
I can never thank you enough.
sighh.
Sometimes I thought to myself,
maybe.. I'm just not good enough.


Kusebut namamu,
di setiap doaku.
Hingga aku terjatuh
dalam harapan.


I love you,
and nothing can ever change that.

oh myyyy.
This journal has gone silent for so long.
I just have no time to update anything here.
Sighhh.
The issue about lack of time is here,
yet again.

Exams are coming.
Pretty soon.
Sighhh.
Who the hell said that uni life is much easier?
I think it's quite the same as during jc years.
Forever rushing.
Or is it that my holidays were just too long?
I dun know.

Like I've said before,
maybe working that hard,
isnt enuf after all.

Oh man.
I feeel so broke.
Ever since I've stopped giving tuition
due to my overwhelming schoolwork,
(which I promised to religiously complete
the tutorials before discussion but
it didnt happen at times).
I wanna buy that shoes from Anna Nuchi.
Pretty.
oh wells.
 

Okay.
If this keeps going on for the
next one and a half month,
I'm really gonna turn into a zombie.

Stressed, tired, sleepy.
The 3 things that I always
suffer from everyday.
Sighhhh.
Can I have my holidays again??
December hurrry come.
Hazlin cant afford to wait for so long.
=(.

Yes yes,
Deepavali is here.
I am so in need of long weekend
like this.
Sadly,
there's makeup lecture in Saturday.
Programming at that.
I told Dear,
maybe he doesnt have a life after all.
Always wanna eat up our saturdays.
And and,
what is worse is that,
half the lt would be empty even though
only an hour has passed.
So what's the point of having the makeup right??
Seriously, he is too oblivious to even notice the
amount of attention given to him in the lt.
Sighhhh.
But, I must say that
I really admire his patience and
ability to pretend nothing happened.
Long weekend?
My asss.
=(

I realised that there is no such expression
called " I dun know".
When people said that they dun know how
to handle a matter or two,
it  just simply meant that they're not sure
of it themselves.
Maybe,
to some,
they have no confidence to give
a solid reply or decision.
Hmmmm..
Just my two cents worth.

I need my sleep before I start
rambling nonsense again.